Top Five Most Satisfying Fictional Deaths

October 12, 2016 Half Blood Princesses

I'm not sure what this says about us, but there are few things we enjoy more than watching/reading villains go dowwwwnnn. Like...all the way down. Like dead. We may have argued more on this list than any other to date, not just on who to include (because there are so many gruesome deaths near and dear to our hearts) but what order to put these in. Here is our Top Five list that one of us may or may not have gotten our way on as far as order:

5. The Ring / Sauron

Whether you read the books or watched the movies (and chances are you fit into at least one of those categories if you're looking at our website), you spent many a day and night hating this ring that turned your favorite hobbits into angry, tired, scheming little grumpykins. What was essentially Sauron's horcrux wreaked havoc on not only the most peaceful creatures ever, but the always-honorable-and-noble Sean Bean. Though there is an argument as to whether or not Sauron actually died when the Ring Bye-Felicia'ed its way into Mount Doom, we at HBP refuse to acknowledge a world where Halflings and Elves have to do anything but eat, let alone battle another one of Sauron's orc-war temper tantrums.

4. HBO* Ramsay Bolton

Literally the hardest thing we've ever had to do in our lives is put Ramsay Bolton as #4 on this list. Maybe it's because the next 3 are that awful, maybe it's because we remember him as Simon on Misfits and can't quite let go. But one thing is certain: the Bolton Bastard mixed with weapons and extensive mental health issues was a recipe for such a glorious and long-awaited death that you have no other choice but to shut down your computer and leave work to watch his end again. Is there anyone alive that doesn't feed their dog and imagine that they're feeding their canine-child liiiiitttle tiny pieces of Ramsay mixed in with that Chunks of Beef in Gravy feast? We think not.

3. HBO* Joffrey "Baratheon"

He might be some little brat with a mom-aunt and dad-uncle, but that's not what made his wine-induced choke fest so appealing. He was a combination of that kid you hated in Middle School, Chucky, and Vlad the Impaler. He killed his betrothed's direwolf (*cries forever*), he killed her dad, and then he showed her her said-dad's head on a spike. He tortured that realllyyyyy nice prostitute. And he was just annoying to look at. As far as we knew from the first three seasons of Game of Thrones, only the good characters died. So the main reason Joffrey beats Ramsay on this list is because his death wasn't a certainty to us then, and thus much more satisfying when it actually happened. BUT LET IT BE SAID: if there's a way to go, it's death by wine. Malbec murder might be better than becoming dog chow, but watching his creepy little face turn purple made us cheer so hard we almost lost our voices and considered calling in to work that next day.

2. HBO* Walder Frey

The reason Walder is at #2 on our list isn't because of how much we wanted him dead (which was... a lot), but how much we loved Arya killing him. To see him die in any other way would have been aight, but the fact that a Stark's face was the last thing he saw gave us warm blood-thirsty fuzzies all over. The Red Wedding made us so sick that we had to miss a few days of work, so FINALLY getting the vengeance we've been desperately seeking for three seasons felt like Christmas morning.

1. Voldemort (duh)

Two words: Cedric Diggory. And then there's, you know, Harry's parents, his owl, his friends, Dumbledore, Snape (RIP), and oh yeah, Harry himself when he was an infant. These deaths and more put this kid-killing sonofabitch at the top of our list. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was our generation's first real villain, our first taste of hatred, and the first death we craved. We don't blame J.K. for bringing these feelings out of our 10-year-old selves, we applaud her. Harry got by with a little help from his friends (Ok, a substantial amount of help), but in the end, the Boy Who Lived finally destroyed the One Who Would Never Die. Siriusly, would neverrrr die. He got killed more times than anyone we've ever met. Maybe invest a little less in horcruxes and a little more in frequent flier miles. Get a tan on that sickly pale nose-less face and pet your snake on a beach somewhere for the rest of your days. Maybe take a chill pill on all that kid-killing and you can stay alive for a lil bit.

*: We aren't caught up on the books ***yet***, so our feelings on the GoT deaths are solely based on how the characters/deaths are perceived on HBO.

Top Five Reasons We're Excited about Fantastic Beasts…

October 1, 2016 Half Blood Princesses

5. The 1920s

Um…wardrobe much? The 1920s are probably your go-to answer to the question: "What's your favorite decade?" The hats, the bobs, the finger waves, the speakeasies, the bow ties, so much yes. Mixing the magic of the 20s with the magic of, you know, J.K. Rowling, might make our hearts explode into one big swoony mess.

4. The Beasts

Let's go ahead and admit that some of our favorite characters from the HP series were Buckbeak, Fawkes, and Hedwig (RIP). The magical creatures that (unfortunately, to our knowledge) only exist in the Harry Potter universe make muggle pets look like peasants. The three that we're MOST excited about are:

The Niffler: a furry platypus/anteater-looking chunk that's attracted to glittery objects. Can you say #newspiritanimal?

The Bowtruckle: sassy lil teeny tiny tree guardian that's partial to wood lice and fairy eggs. It's super hard to spot and will claw out your eyes if you threaten its host tree…probably.

The Demiguise: ok goosebumps. If Falcor and a perfect little baby monkey had a baby, it would be a demiguise. It's extremely sought-after because its hair can be woven into invisibility cloaks. They are hard to catch because they can tell the future, so you have to do something unpredictable in order to be able to find one. But please don't cuz… they are angelic angelly baby angels and we love them.

Demiguise,  www.pottermore.com — Demiguise, www.pottermore.com

3. Ilvermorny

The American version of Hogwarts has us feeling some feelings. It was founded by a witch and her No-Maj (American term for "muggle") husband, so it's like the more progressive, non-elitist cousin of the other wizarding schools. Like Hogwarts, it has four houses. Prepare yourself for endless debates with your friends on what house you/they/your fav HP characters would be sorted into. The houses are as follows:

Horned Serpent: favors the scholars

Pukwudgie: favors the healers

Thunderbird: favors the adventurers

Wampus: favors the warriors

Unlike Hogwarts, there's no sorting hat. Basically you stand in a spot in a circular room and these statues fight over you. If more than one wants you, you get a choice. Sound a little familiar? #harrypotter #thevoice

2. Eddie Redmayne

We. can. not. think of a better human in all of existence to lead us back into the Harry Potter 'verse than Eddie Redmayne. His performances in The Theory of Everything, My Week with Marilyn and oh yeah, The Danish Girl, put him in the forefront of our minds for weeks. He seems equal parts someone you could probably be friends with if you met him on the street and someone that you can't quite look in the eyes because he's too…handsome? smooth? perfect? enthralling? magical? I dunno, you choose. He's a lot of things that we both can and can't handle. From what we've seen in the Fantastic Beasts trailer, he might give our baby Matt Smith a run for his money with his bow tie game. He's a big fan of the Harry Potter books and films, so we trust that he will at least meet, if not exceed, our very..very…very high expectations.

1. And obviously…it's a return to the world we love/miss/need so much.

We've been described as the Harry Potter generation, and we'll gladly accept. Even a quick reference to the Harry Potter world in an unrelated book or movie makes our heart skip a beat and a creepy smile cross our faces. Do you ever catch yourself eavesdropping on conversations because you heard the word "Dumbledore", "Harry", "Potter", "Pot" "Ter", or "magic" and you think there might be a new friend in your midst? We do this quite often. So naturally, when news came that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was being made into a film, we felt like we were getting to go home again. There's something exciting and comfortable and addicting about the world that Goddess Rowling has created, and we need our fix. Cue Fantastic Beasts.

Also, there's the possibility of OG cameos, so...

Top Five OTPs of all time

September 15, 2016 Half Blood Princesses

5. Amy & Rory

"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, and you meet them and think, 'Not bad, they're OK.' And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them? Like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful. Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met."

Doctor Who

Amy Pond and Rory Williams are probably one of the most heartwarming and heartbreaking couples ever to appear on TV. Known as the 11th Doctor's companions from Seasons 5-7, A&R basically define the term "grand romantic gesture". Rory dies, comes back as a robot Centurion, and protects Amy's dying body as it's trapped in the Pandorica for 2,000 (read it…thousand) years. In the end, Amy allows herself to be touched by a weeping angel, one of THE scariest TV villains of all time, so that she can be shot back in time to live out her days Doctor-less with Rory. A&R persevere through an almost divorce, an adult friend that turns out to be their infant daughter from the future through some timey-wimey magic, villain after villain, and being separated time and time again from 36 years in one episode to over 2,000 years in another episode. This couple, The Boy Who Waited and later the Girl Who Waited, should make even sci-fi haters watch and appreciate Doctor Who.

4. Jim & Pam

"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to wait…"

The Office

Oh Jim. We all had to wait. There were times that I wanted Jim and Pam to have a relationship more than I wanted one for myself. Having feelings for someone that's unavailable is pretty universal, so their relatability factor was off the charts. From the shared headphone sway-dancing to the rainy gas station proposal, their subtle but epic romance had us all craving a cubicle office lover of our own.

3. Mulder & Scully

"Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion."

X-Files

Mulder and Scully, Scully and Mulder…has there ever been a duo that completes each other more fully? She believes in scientifically proven facts; he believes in…aliens. These two have spent 10 long seasons, 2 movies, and a very recent mini season follow-up balancing each other out in the most grandiose alien-battling, flashlight-waving ways. Our yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, sun and moon; we will never give up hope for M&S. I want to believe…that a handsome FBI agent and feisty red-headed scientist can make it work (what do you say, Chris Carter?).

2. Ross & Rachel

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!"

Friends

Ross Gellar and Rachel Green gave hope to the masses. He was the dork and she was the princess. When Friends started, Ross had had a crush on Rachel, his sister's best friend, for about a decade. Her failed almost-wedding and his recent divorce (#1) from his lesbian wife re-ignited his hope that he'd have a shot with his dream girl. Ross and Rachel shippers did NOT have it easy. They were almost together, then they were almost together, then they were together, then they had a fight/break-up (depending which one you ask), then they really broke up, then they were almost back together, then Ross didn't read the 18 page letter FRONT AND BACK so they definitely broke up again, then Ross marries Emily but says Rachel's name at the altar, then Ross goes through Divorce #2, then Ross goes crazy (but here we truly get Ross gold: the tan, the white teeth, the moist-maker meltdown, etc.), then there's the drunken Vegas wedding, then there's the secret non-anullment, then there's the not-so-secret Divorce (#3), then there's a one-night-stand which leads to a baby, then there's a lot of back and forth until they finallyyyyyy got together in the Season TEN Series Finale. It was an emotional roller coaster for all Friends fans, but worth the ride because "he's her lobster."

1. Ron and Hermione

"Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!"

Harry Potter

On one side we have Ron: more often than not, our comedic relief. He's always eating, never getting spells or sports quite right, causing Harry to get into a little more trouble than he would have on his own, and is seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. And then we have Hermione: perfection. She's brilliant, feisty, empathetic, and saves Harry and Ron's lives from Book 1 (through Book 7, let's be real). They couldn't be more different, except when it comes to their fierce love for their friends. Both Ron and Hermione sacrifice themselves multiple times to save each other and to save Harry. And let's keep in mind that we meet these characters at age 11. Ok so maybe we lied a little bit before…Ron & Hermione might balance each other out more than any other dynamic duo listed above. Some of the lightest parts in the darkest books are the moments where we get to see these two childhood best friends spark into a little love flame. We're pretty sure the song "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place" was written about them. Ron and Er-my-nee, sitting in a whomping willow, destroying horcruxes, casting spells, and K-I-S-S-I-N-G.