Perfect Ten...nant

Pretty sure we were all on the same page (or rather, the same sentence of the same page of the same book) when the Doctor did a quick re-gen' and looked a lot less like David Tennant and a lot more like Matt Smith and our insides turned cold and desolate. Were all of you, like us, kinda hoping that the creators of the New Who had forgotten its entire premise of a time traveling doctor that regenerates? Because we were crossing our fingers AND toes for at least 10 more seasons of D10 with a solid argument along the lines of "Shut up!" if anyone came at us with the improbability of a Doctor lasting that long sans regeneration. We couldn't even look at Matt Smith for three years after that fateful day in January 2010 because we were in mourning.

But lately, we've been feeling a lil David Tennant rich because the Ten man has so many projects that we've been watching and/or waiting for. Is this what hope feels like? Is the universal pendulum finally swinging the other way in favor of joy, prosperity, and David? Is he singlehandedly slaying the Goliath that has been the 20teens thus far? The following pieces of knowledge candy lead us to believe "yes. Finally, yes."

Cartoons!

In case you need another reason to feel justified in parking it on the couch in those cozy Christmas pajamas that you wear year-round because they're so so soft with an adult-sized bowl of Lucky Charms on a Saturday morning ("Saturday morning": noun, the time when you wake up on Saturday, typically around noon-1pm), we're going to give you one! David Tennant is currently lending that sexy Scottish voice of his to not one, but two cartoons: Duck Tales and Final Space. 

With the former, you get a massive dose of nostalgia plus the added benefit of recognizing that unmistakable Tennant tongue (as if we needed another example of a cartoon animal we find ourselves attracted to... ) to the role of Scrooge McDuck. The iconic trio of Huey, Dewey, and Louie is played by Danny Pudi (Community), Ben Schwartz (Parks & Rec), and Bobby Moynihan (SNL), respectively, turning this all-"star" ensemble into an iconic quad.

And with the latter, you get comedy, adventure, and, well, space. As we are writing this, only five episodes are currently available on TBS (you can also stream on Amazon Prime, should you be so inclined), but we are absolutely going to continue tuning in. We may have came for David Tennant (who voices the teeny tiny villain, the Lord Commander), but we are staying for the jokes and aliens. It surprised us how often we found ourselves laughing out loud just in the first episode. Our protagonist, Gary, is a prisoner sentenced to five years alone in Deep Space with robot companion KVN ("Kevin", perfectly played by Fred Armisen) to keep him from losing his sanity, but who is rather successful at doing the opposite. In your introduction to KVN, you learn that he loves cookies even though he has no mouth. He just smashes them into his "face" where one's mouth might be while Gary must look on hungrily and unsatisfied as he gets no cookie privileges. During some routine maintenance in space, he encounters the corgi puppy equivalent of an alien friend that he dubs "Mooncake". Mooncake is wanted by the Lord Commander, and there you have your plot. With the final sinister-y words of the pilot episode being "Let's play a little...", spoken by our favorite Mad-Eye Moody polyjuice impersonator, we found ourselves hooked. 10/Tennant will watch again.

Non-Cartoon TV Shows! 

Jessica Jones: We can't say that we weren't as into Season One of Jessica Jones as we were because of Tennant's portrayal of equal-parts-creepy-and-attractive Kilgrave. We might have done a little baby-ship of those two characters? Can we say that? Is that okay? Season Two was just released on Netflix, and we were shocked to learn that he was returning (Season One spoiler (if it can be a spoiler once the next season comes out): um, he died...or seemingly died?). We don't want to give too much away about Season Two so we won't confirm how many episodes he actually appears in or his part in said episode(s), but we will say that Jessica Jones is one in the Marvel monopoly worth watching. WARNING: If you do happen to risk opening that Stan-Lee's-multi-billion-dollar-wet-dream door, keep in mind that you may find yourself having to watch 1,003 other Marvel related movies and/or TV shows just to stay caught up with relevant storyline details of just ONE show that you initially chose to watch. (One, Stan. One.)

Camping: There's been some buzz for a little while now surrounding Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner's sophomore HBO show which is set to star Jennifer Garner. BUT! Just a few days ago, it was announced that Tennant joined the cast to star opposite Jenny Gee. This took it from "some buzz" to full-on-Thomas-J-swarm to us. Lena and Jenni's Girls started strong and continued that way...for a while. The ending left much to be desired, but we can't imagine a universe (fictional or otherwise) that isn't made better (dare we say, perfect?) with the inclusion of our David. 

Good Omens: 100% of HBP had a panic attack when we went to see Neil Gaiman speak over a year ago and he announced that he was working on bringing Good Omens to life on "the tube". And 100% of our hearts had to be revived when it was announced this past summer that Michael Sheen would be playing Aziraphale and David Tennant would be playing Crowley, the angel/demon (respectively) ultimate frenemy combo. Fan fiction couldn't have cast better actors to play these leads. Before Pratchett's passing, he and his assistant, Rob Wilkins, often discussed their dream cast for Good Omens. Wilkins said that when discussing their ideal Crowley, Tennant's name was in the mix. To be fair, he's in our mix for every role ever, so we're with you, Terry. We're with you. Since then, Jon Hamm and Nick Offerman have also joined the cast. Such a Dad feast!

Dream cast aside, there isn't a television show, movie, miniseries, last season of GoT, etc., etc., etc., that we are more excited to see. Good Omens isn't just one of our favorite books, it's just one of the best books ever written. Proving the age-old saying that two minds are better than one, GO brought together the brilliantly imaginative and comedic authors Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. They wrote long distance by talking on the phone, exchanging drafts in the form of floppy disks. Per Gaiman, the pair would stay up all night just trying to write things that would make the other laugh and would leave "forceful" voicemails between drafts regarding why the other was taking so long. 

GO is about the end of Time, the impending Apocalypse, the angels and demons and all that good stuff in between. It's like Dogma, but much smarter, funnier, and less crude. The only thing that could possibly make us more excited about its 2019 debut is literally nothing. 

Silver Screen!

Tennant has two upcoming feature films in the works, Bad Samaritan and Mary Queen of Scots. 

Bad Samaritan: Kid knows scary dude is up to no good and wants to prove it to his family, friends, cops, anyone who will listen. Okay so maybe it's been done before with films like Disturbia and Fright Night (1985), but it's never been done before with David Tennant. Err...nevermind, it has: Fright Night (2011). We will say this though: the only thing David does as perfectly as he does "good guy" is "bad guy". Or "both guy". Basically he's perfect in everything and this movie trailer did NOT disappoint.

Mary Queen of Scots: Lookit. Lookit. David Tennant + period piece + damaged queen and her beheading = sign. us. up. Any questions? *raises hand* Yes, um, can this movie just come out sooner? Also, we've watched a season and a half of Reign. After that wound (yes, wound... they had a sexy, brooding Nostradamus as a main character...), it would take nothing less than D to revive our historical interest in this particular storyline. 

An Expected Journey: Amazon Takes on Middle Earth

Discover & share this The Lord Of The Rings GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

There and back...and there again. We find ourselves asking the age-old question: is it possible to have too much of a good thing? (Answer: Depends. Black Mirror marathon? Yes. McDonald's chicken nuggets? No. Middle-Earth franchise? TBD.)

Here's what we know: 

1. Amazon has purchased the television rights to Tolkien's Middle Earth franchise for an undisclosed amount of money (but probably in the 200-250 million dollar range) from the Tolkien Estate and Trust.

2. It will take place before the Fellowship of the Ring storyline.

3. The big sale happened shortly after Christopher Tolkien (J.R.R.'s baby boy) stepped down from his position as Tolkien Estate director.

4. We shouldn't expect to see anything on-screen until 2020 (mayyybe late 2019?) at the earliest.  The script hasn't been written yet, let alone cast and filmed.

Here's what the haters are saying:

John Rhys-Davies (you may know him as Legolas/Orly Bloom's bestie 'Gimli') is quoted as saying, "I mean, poor Tolkien must be spinning in his grave." Those are some pretty big words for such a small character. (Get it? Small? Because he plays a dwarf?) While we see why he might be upset, we also find it difficult to take anything he says seriously considering he spent the entire trilogy with crimped hair and beard braids. 

More to the point, his main argument is that this whole thing is just for money. Um... we highly doubt he worked as an unpaid intern for Peter Jackson's LOTR. 

Some franchise fans are upset that this new series may cause Tolkien's work to be dragged on too long, in much the same way that The Hobbit's 300 pages were turned into an 8-hour-long trilogy. 

Many bloggers and journalists have also used the word "crazy" in regards to how much Amazon spent on the rights alone and for thinking it can compete with Game of Thrones. Oh, is it "crazy"? Crazier than purchasing the rights to an UNFINISHED book series because there's NO WAY he won't finish TWO BOOKS after SEVEN SEASONS? Yeah, let's keep our "crazies" to ourselves. 

Here's what we think:

First and foremost, we think it's the best decision Amazon's made since they purchased Whole Foods and made us subscribe to Amazon Prime to get a discount on our Thanksgiving turkey. Well played, Amazon.

While we understand the hesitation from a lot of fans, we can't help but yearn for more hairy hobbit feet. There is so much Tolkien literature that has yet to be touched upon that the source material is almost unlimited. Baby boy is now 93 and *just* stopped publishing his father's unfinished works. 

Other LOTR franchise stars have reacted much more positively than Grumpy Gimli. Ian McKellen, Sean Astin, and Andy Serkis have all made supportive comments in regards to the new series, to which we must reply:

If it's okay with Gandalf, fuck yeah it's okay with us. 

What Do You Call A Female Doctor?

In case you've been living under a TARDIS-sized rock, you know that the thirteenth doctor is going to be played by....DUN DUN DUNNNNN....a woman. Jodie Whittaker, from BBC's Broadchurch, will be stepping into the iconic role next season to replace Peter Capaldi's Twelfth Doctor. This felt great for a moment, until you risked a glance at your Twitter app and saw that the battle lines had been drawn and the fanbase had been polarized. Um...ok....we have a few questions...

1. Why did it take so long?

2. Why now?

3. Why do people suck? 

4. Is this progress? 

So why did it take so long? Doctor Who was first introduced to us in 1963. There have been twelve reincarnations of The Doctor, and all twelve have had peachy cream colored man meat. It had already been established with Missy's character that male time lords could be reincarnated into female time lords. In the 26 seasons of the original airing of the show, and then ten seasons of the "New Who", not once did that space magic jizz turn that Y chromosome to an X. Shouldn't there be a 50/50 chance?! That's like calling "Tails" on 36 coin flips and winning every time. That's like going on 36 Tinder dates and getting 36 strands of HPV. That's like taking a right at every fork in the road 36 times and never running into a Taco Bell. It's. Just. Not. Possible.

Why now? Is this a nice little shoulder squeeze from the BBC, letting us know that they don't buy into the concept of glass ceilings in space? Or are they trying to do something "controversial", "radical", "crayzayyyy" to get conversations going and ratings back up since they dropped off post-hipster-hottie-Matt-Smith? We are not entirely sure what led to BBC's gender shake-up, but it doesn't exactly feel like a win for the home team just yet. 

Why do people suck? This may be a question we started asking since the first time a rock was hurled at our unsuspecting faces on the playground in elementary school, but we have yet to receive an answer. We thought we were safe with sci-fi nerds, but that is quickly proving to not be the case. Let's talk about suspended disbelief for just a moment... Any Whovian can set aside logic and facts to imagine a world where an alien from a planet that was destroyed but now might not be destroyed but is secretly hidden somewhere can travel through all of time and space in a blue Police Box that's bigger on the inside and save humanity/planets/alien races on a weekly basis, but The Doctor reincarnating as a woman ONCE in 36 seasons couldn't/shouldn't happen?! Fuck. Off.

Is this progress? While the feminists in us want to yell a resounding "YES!", we think that would be counting our proverbial chickens before they hatch. The fact that she is being referred to as the "female Doctor" rather than the "Thirteenth Doctor" (unlike all of her predecessors) shows that society still classifies men as the universal norm and women as the variant. It's the Rule of Reversibility in action. Take a description, reverse the gender, see if it sounds funny. The male doctor seems redundant. The female doctor seems descriptive. It doesn't just work with gender. The white President (Pre-44. We miss you..). The heterosexual frat bro. The Christian Republican, etc. etc. You get the gist. Whether or not this is progress has yet to be determined. If ratings continue to drop, is it going to be blamed on the fact that the Thirteenth Doctor was played by a woman, or will it be chalked up to the very plausible fact that maybe after 54 years and 36 seasons, its time has come? 

We Drink and We Know Things....About the GoT "spinoffs"

Okay, before we get started, let's go ahead and take a moment to push past the fact that it's been almost six years since A Dance With Dragons was released, and Winds of Winter's release date is still one gigantic question mark. Remember how GRRM said that he would have the books finished before the show caught up to it? Yeah...us, too. That was cute.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Okay, let's continue.

Everyone and their brother and their brother's mother has been talking about the upcoming Game of Thrones spinoffs. But how much is fact and how much is fiction?

We wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, and by "hear" we mean "read", and by "horse's mouth" we mean "Westeros's creator's LiveJournal" (You read that right... LiveJournal. And no, this article is not a portkey that just transported you back to 2002). Let's set a couple of things straight:

1. Are there four GoT spinoffs?

FALSE

First of all, what started as a plan to create four spiraled out of control into a plan to create five. (Because when were four spinoffs ever enough? I know what you're thinking...Law and Order. And I love Benson too much to argue but shut up.) In reality, there probably won't actually be four OR five spinoffs. GRRM confirmed that five pilot scripts are being written. 

Second of all, it's unlikely that all five will even be filmed as pilots, let alone picked up for full seasons for us to gluttonously watch (while praying to the Old Gods and the New that Winds of Winter is still in the works...to, you know...be finished).

Third of all, George RR Martin does not truly consider these as "spinoffs" since zero (0) of them will contain characters from ASOIAF that we love and/or hate. That "and" is looking at you, Jaime Lannister. <3 

2. Will one of the "spinoffs" be about Robert's Rebellion?

You probably guessed it by now...NO!

George basically said that once A Song of Ice and Fire is finished (hahaha), we will know all we need to know about Robert's Rebellion, and it will be a "twice-told tale". We don't foresee that being an issue because all 1/2/3/4/5 spinoffs-that-aren't-actually-spinoffs could be released and have their own spinoffs-that-aren't-spinoffs by the time we even get a Winds of Winter release date. 

Of course once it was revealed that four (or 1/2/3/5) "spinoffs" were being considered, we started asking ourselves, "TF are the 'spinoffs' actually going to be about?" We pondered, and we argued, and we laughed, and we cried and we came up with five that we think/hope might actually make it to HBO for us to watch every Sunday and pretend our lives are a little less Finance and a lot more Dragon. Here we go:

1) Children of the Forest/Creation of the White Walkers/The Night King

For those of you who skipped the books and dove head first into HBO's beautiful creation, you might not know that The Night King *could* be a MF Stark. History: the Night King was once a human (A HUMAN THAT WAS LORD COMMANDER OF THE NIGHT'S WATCH) who fell in love with a woman "with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars". So apparently, this Lord Commander like gave up everything for his love (i.e. White Walker demon friend) and married her but ended up being overthrown only to disappear with his lady-lover / life-sucker. And legend has it that this Lord Commander turned Night King was a Stark which makes total sense because the Starks and the Wall go way back. And you'll never guess who built the GD wall. Bran the Builder AKA Brandon Stark AKA Bran Stark AKA is it Baby Bran back in time I don't even know what's going on. 

2) Blackfyre Rebellion

This is like Targaryen v Targaryen in a full on Targaryen showdown that will end up with I'm guessing some Targaryens shedding some Targaryen blood. One's a bastard, the other is a King. Who. Will. Win? It was repeatedly said that the Blackfyre Rebellion split Westeros in half. Sound familiar? How many times and in how many ways can poor 'Steros be split? Only a non-spinoff-spinoff can answer these questions. Any many more. 

3) Azor Ahai/Lightbringer

Before there was Melisandre and her fiery fierce grandma bod, there was just a dude standing in front of a girl asking her to let him thrust into her heart with his sword in order to make it magical. Just kidding, that didn't happen. He didn't ask, he just did it. CUE Lightbringer. Cue the magicMagic sword that will probably (not, because we're betting on the dragons) save the day in our current GoT timeline. Who doesn't love a good love story? And what's a better love story than Azor Ahai, Nissa Nissa and the sword that came between them? And yes, we are quite aware of the phallic implications here..........

4) Aegon the Conquerer/Visenya/Rhaenys (Dragonriders) 

Our guy Aegon is the Targaryen that conquered six of the Seven Kingdoms, made all them other rulers bend the knee, and commissioned that Iron Throne all of our current GoT peeps are fighting to sit/stab themselves on. Dorne was the only kingdom of the seven to remain independent after The Conquest. We def would be interested in watching and learning more about the Yellow Toad, Dorne's 80 year old blind and bald princess that was apparently able to hold down the fort when all others failed (#bossassbitch). But most importantly, we find ourselves intrigued by the polyamorous relationship between Aegon and his dragon-riding sister-wives Visenya and Rhaenys that's less like Big Love and more like, well, Game of Thrones. And we obvi don't mind the opportunity to introduce ourselves to three more dragons: Meraxes, Vhagar, and BALERION THE DREADDDDD. Please, GRRM: Bring on the dragons. 

5) The Doom of Valyria

It's like Pompeii, but with dragons and magic. Spoiler alert: almost everyone dies. Also, Kit Harrington (Jon Snow) was in the movie Pompeii, so it seems very much like a 7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon kinda thing except not really but it means something right? This "spinoff" might not be as romantic as the tales of love mentioned earlier, but it would definitely be action packed. It's basically war after war after war until the Targaryens come out on top because, you guessed it, dragons.  This would give us insight into the history of the Free Cities, Slaver's Bay, and the reasons behind the Targaryens coming to Westeros in the first place. If this isn't turned into a TV show, we could definitely see it as a 3 1/2 hour movie starring Tom Hardy or one of the Hemsworths.

What do you think the somewhere-between-one-and-five prequel(s) will be about? Agree with our speculations? Have other ideas? Let's discuss! Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Wait...What?! : Jude Law Cast as "Young" Albus Dumbledore

It was recently announced that Jude Law will be playing the role of a young-ish Albus Dumbledore in the second and future installments of Fantastic Beasts.  We have to admit...there was a moment of "unease" thinking about finding ourselves sexually attracted to Dumbledore come November 16, 2018. Like, do we really want to imagine our forever father figure being played by the swoony-eyed Alfie dude with all of his nanny-boning and brooding and peeking over the shoulder smoulder? 

And then we found out that he beat out Christian "Tourette's" Bale and Benedict Cumberbatch. Christian Bale is *literally* the worst, and if we were unsure how our loins would take to Jude Law, we definitely wouldn't have been able to handle beautiful Benny in the role of Daddy Dumbledore. So...Jude Law it is.

After fully digesting the fact that we'll be seeing Law as Albus in four films, we have decided that we are a combination of "okay", "curious", and "intrigued". The wizarding 'verse has been so on point with casting (with the one MASSIVE exception of Domestic Violence Depp), so we are inclined to want to trust the casting decisions.  I mean...we know the man can act.  Did you see his crying scene in The Holiday?! He also seems to have a lot of respect for the role, and wants his first order of business to be meeting with J.K. Rowling to get insight into the brilliant mind of The Greatest Wizard to Ever Fictionally Exist. So that seems like a promising start, right?? 

But can he do it?! Can he simmer on the smoulder? Can the man with the shortest name play the man with the longest and not get tied up on the 3rd or 4th syllable?! Can this man somehow turn those sexy blue piercers into Dumbledore's wise and warm blues? Can he make us believe in magic??!

Well, only time (and maybe a talented Divination professor) will tell...

What are your thoughts??