Top Five Fandom Fashion Flops

There aren't many things we love more than a well-executed alliteration...but one of them is the top notch costumery (did we make up that word? Don't look it up, nerd.) in our favorite fandoms. However, there's been a time or two (or five) where the costume designers must have had to come in early on a Monday and decided to take it out on the rest of us.

Here are the five that hurt the worst:

5. Doctor Who: The Ninth Doctor

He looks fine if you're into the whole creepy-uncle-going-through-his-third-divorce look... but in a universe full of high-waisty plaid plants and floor-length rainbow scarves, we couldn't help but be disappointed by the oversized leather jacket & purple baby V tee. The only thing missing from his I'm-a-cool-dad aesthetic is a hoop earring and a case of Natty Light. 

4. Hunger Games: Peeta 

We're just going to say this... if you're going to take less concern in touching up the "natural blonde character"'s roots than we do with getting to work on time, then just make the character a brunette. 

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Xander

Ohhhh Xander. We could get behind the eye patch. We could (sort of) get behind the oversized Tommy Bahama shirts that were always unbuttoned >1 too many. What we just can't let go of (Jack) is his collection of necklaces. Yes, plural. The chains, the charms, the puka-shells, it's too much! And they're almost all chokers...Jordan Catalano you are not, Sir.  

2. The X-Files (photo shoot): Fox Mulder

Let us be clear....the show never missed the mark. The suits, the other suits, the bloody suits, the torn suits, the lab coats (doctor suits), the pajama suits: The X-Files was always on point. They might not have made everyone believe in aliens, but they didn't have a hard time making everyone believe in Fashion with a capital F. Now, let's talk about the David LaChapelle photos... The entire shoot features David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and Pleather. How much pleather? All of the pleather. The worst, though? The pink and red ensemble with the black gonna-tickle-you gloves. They're like if Ross's pants had a baby with a body bag. 

1. Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire: Just everyone.

We're pretty certain that the main thing everyone remembers about GoF is the shag. No one was exempt from it, not even Mad-Eye Moody or Cedric Diggory (though his was more of a shag shrug). BEFORE YOU SAY that it's "a result of the times", let us remind you that Prisoner of Azkaban came out only one year prior and everyone looked perfectly respectable. Was there a British Barber strike during filming? Or was the hair-and-makeup team really feeling those derelict-Ashton-Kutcher vibes?

Top Five Women That Have Us Feelin' Ourselves

Beyonce is not on this list. And before everyone jumps ship and refuses to read the rest of this article, keep in mind that it really just wouldn't be fair to throw her into the mix. Beyonce is mom and daddy at the same time. She is the strength of that one pull up you couldn't do in middle school (and your coach made sure to let you know, a few times, that it was literally the only thing you needed to do to pass). She is the raw sexiness you knew you could achieve if you paid for a monthly subscription to Cosmo. And she is the swirly essence magic stuff that Ursula sucked out of Ariel. She is on every list always. 

The women on this list are five amongst many that make us want to correct our awful posture so that we can stand tall every time our boss tries to mansplain something like Daylight Savings Time. But these are the ones that currently have us really feeling feelings in an extra way. They've got us doing double-takes on our own reflections. They have us walking into meetings like we're about to give a Michelle Obama-esque speech even though we're only presenting a PowerPoint slideshow on how to create a captivating PowerPoint slideshow. And they have us singing in the car on our commute home, windows down, at full volume, like we're, well, Beyonce. Simply put: The five women below have us feelin' ourselves. 

We refuse to rate them and their accomplishments (even though one is a fictional character), so the following is in no particular order. 

1. Zoe Kravitz

When Sex and Sex decided to procreate (Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet, respectively), they had Zoe Kravitz. There's no denying that there's something about her that's...indescribable. She's definitely been on our radar for a while, but it was after binge watching HBO's Big Little Lies that she skyrocketed to the forefront of our minds (which, by the way, if you haven't seen it, is there a reason or? It won something like 5 Emmy's? If you're into that sort of thing...). She glows like a firefly during an Autumnal twilight, and you can just tell by looking at her that she smells, like, really good. Basically, we're crushing really hard right now. She's only just gotten started, so if you're not already, start paying attention.

2. Gillian Anderson

From Dana Scully to David Bowie, Gillian Anderson always gets it right. Honestly, she's had us feeling ourselves since the 90s. Her boldness and pantsuits (then and now) are unparalleled. She didn't have an Instagram account until the most recent election so that she would have another platform with which to reach people in order to encourage them to vote and to be informed. She has the kind of powerful on-screen presence to go up against a serial killer (The Fall) and, er, a serial killer (Hannibal), and own it. She embodies that "No Fucks Given" attitude that we strive for and only rarely *truly* achieve. She's an activist and a humanitarian, but without all the cameras and not just out of necessity following a public scandal. Not only is she an actor, director, writer, and producer, but she's the only person that comes to mind that can flawlessly pull off both American AND English accents. Okay and plus she's almost 50 and hot af. Who else is ready to completely throw out our entire form of government and crown this woman Queen of the United States? Queen of the World?! 

3. Elizabeth Bennet

"What are men to rocks and mountains?" Um...we couldn't have said it better ourselves. Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice takes place in the 19th century, when a woman's entire livelihood was dependent upon obtaining an advantageous marriage proposal. Elizabeth Bennet turned down not one but two legit proposals, because unlike the expectations of her gender at that time, she was more concerned with her own adventures rather than marital pursuits void of affection. She proved that you could chase waterfalls and live to tell the tale. 

She was raised by a complacent father and a gold-digging mother, so it would have been only natural for her to lock it down early and be commonly miserable for the rest of her days rather than being a trailblazer and a GD pioneer. We also can't help but swoon over how often we find our heroine with her nose in a book and a witty comeback on her lips. And not just your standard witty comeback, but sassy yet poetic ones like, "My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me." DAMN GINA! There are innumerable times when we could have used her clapback cleverness instead of spouting "nu uh" or "I'm rubber, you're glue...". 

4. Kristen Stewart

You can't google her name without an endless spew of articles about her sexuality, her new girlfriend, her exboyfriend, or her exboyfriend's split with his new girlfriend. It's as if her entire public identity is wrapped up in who (and what gender) she is or isn't currently sleeping with. We're not blind; We aren't just now becoming aware that female actors are held to different standards than male actors. But she got the modern-day equivalent of a public lashing in 2012 when she was photographed with her Snow White director while dating her Twilight co-star. The public knew her as a damsel in distress from her Twilight days, and then flipped its shit when she proved to be just another human that makes mistakes. Even Donald Trump felt the need to tweet about it (not that that's saying much...amirite?) We could go in depth on the rampant sexism here when you look at where the blame was laid in this situation, and how the involved parties were treated, but we're good. We'd rather focus on how our phoenix goddess rose from the misogynistic ashes and went on to slay by doing everything she was doing pre-Twilight but with the post-Twilight fame. She didn't stick her head in the ground and stop doing what she wanted because of some bullshit "scandal". She went on to be the first American actress to win the Cesar Award, which is basically the French Academy Award, for her performance in Clouds of Sils Maria. She also co-authored a scientific paper on the use of Neural net techniques in a movie she wrote and directed... Why THAT doesn't pop up when you google her is beyond us. 

5. Taylor Swift

When Taylor Swift joined the scene, she had all the makings of a tried and true "America's Sweetheart". The problem with being expected to fill that role, however, is that you are at the mercy of public opinion. Taylor threw that label away faster than we throw out Taco Bell receipts lest someone find the proof of our indiscretion(s). She made it clear early on that we should not be fooled by her girl-next-door looks and charming demeanor. One can be young, silly and beautiful while ALSO being intelligent and business-savvy. How many times must we hear, "Wow...you're not like other girls. You've got beauty AND brains," before acknowledging that the two are not mutually exclusive, nor do they hold equal weight? She has showed us time and time again that her professional instincts are on point. Her label had a bit of trepidation when she told them that she wanted to create a dreamy, 80s-style pop album rather than flirting with the country/pop line that had been working for her previously. She's a grown ass woman that makes her own decisions though, so she created 1989 the way that she wanted to, and the payoff was a Grammy for Album of the Year. 

And let's take a moment to applaud her for the way she handled her recent court case. After having her ass fondled by a radio DJ, he sued her for him losing his job. Let us repeat that...HE sued HER. Like the boss bitch she is, she counter-sued for $1 to make a point that telling her side was not about money (she actually donated money to sexual abuse organizations afterwards), but about standing up for herself and to pave the way for other women who might normally shy away from speaking out. 

And last but not least, she has an album coming out on November 10th where all signs point to yet another artistic reinvention. .....We've already requested the day off work.  

Top Five Reasons We're *SO* Ready for the End of Droughtlander

Game of Thrones came and went like Tyrion in a brothel, and now Sunday is just the day before Monday.

SIKE!!!!!

Outlander comes back tonight and we couldn't be readier/the most ready/ready af. Could we BE any readier?! We know we aren't alone in this. Have you caught yourself calling friends/enemies/coworkers "Sassenach", much to their dismay? Did you just answer that question with "I dinna ken what you're talking about"? If you answered yes to at least one of those questions, you've been experiencing the thirst as well. Well, get ready to be quenched, little babies, because the Outlander drought...the aptly named Droughtlander....is over.

Put on your kilt, grab your scotch, and read below to see a few reasons why our hearts are all a pitter-patter for the return.

5. Bonnie Prince Charlie

Mark us, we canNOT wait to hear BPC say "mark me". Extra points if he says it whilst drunk. All the points if he says it during a hissy fit. The first time we watched the second season of Outlander, he seemed more "pest" and less "YAS!" That definitely changed during the next rewatch(es). Listen, when a belligerently drunk, sexually deviant, wig-rocking, pantaloon-dropping, entitled and exiled little honey comes at us with a drink in his hand and a rebellion in his heart, we can't help but want to Geillis our way back through the stones to support the Jacobite cause. Even if the last time he says our favorite line is to utter, "Mark me, bye...", we'll be satisfied. (Seriously, can those be the last words the little slippery slimy sublime slime of man says while slipping out of the death-of-the-Highland-way-of-life-battle that he begged to be funded and demanded to happen?)

4. The Death of Black Jack Randall

Black Jack Randall isn't one of those villains you love to hate or hate to love. We just hate hate Black Jack (only slightly more than we hated Jack Black in Shallow Hal (dick.)). No one needs to relive those scenes that are burned into our memories and nightmares, so we won't go into the specifics of why his death is so crucial to our happiness. We will say, however, that we are fully stocked with champagne and confetti poppers for the moment that this motherfucker dies. Our only regret is that it didn't happen sooner so that we could have included him in our Top Five Most Satisfying *Fictional* Deaths article.

3. Fergus All Grown Up

Does grown-up Fergus still refer to Jamie and Claire as "m'lord" and "m'lady"? We can only hope and speculate. What we do know for sure is that he's not a little boy anymore...he. is. a. man. A French man. With a French accent. Best known for his upcoming role in Outlander as grown up Fergus, Cesar Domboy will be joining the cast of Outlander as grown up Fergus.

2. The Fashion

We are willing to bet a million dollars that as soon as you read that reason #2 was "The Fashion", you immediately thought of Season Two's red dress. *Pause to swoon* We drooled more over that dress than we did over the imaginary meal in Spielberg's Hook. Bangarang.

We are both suckers for period dramas, and much of that is due to the costumes. Typically, you get a glimpse into one period. Downton Abbey. Fantastic Beasts. Marie Antoinette. Pride & Prejudice. Gone with the Wind. Dirty Dancing. The Dirty Dancing remake starring Abigail Breslin. But one of the reasons Outlander is so precious, my precious, to us is that you get to sample all of the periods. In Season 3 alone, we'll get 1940s-1960s British & American fashions and 1700s Scottish styles. Add in the 18th century French wardrobe of the second season and you have a TV show chock-full of closet goals.

We love the corsets. We love the capes. We love the flannel. The 60s glasses. The 1945 dress that doubles as a 1743 nightgown. Have they won awards for their costumes? They should win awards for their costumes. We need their costumes. Starting with one of King Louis's robes plz.

(And if you're so inclined, Hot Topic is releasing their second Outlander-inspired collection on September 12.)

1. Jamie & Claire

If you haven't seen Outlander, well, first of all, most of our jokes have just gone over your head at this point. But second of all, imagine Jamie and Claire as Romeo and Juliet, if Romeo and Juliet were played by 40 year old actors playing 20 year old characters. And instead of "star-crossed" meaning that they come from families that don't get along, it means that they were born 2 centuries apart and sometimes, but not sometimes, are separated by a big rock. If that doesn't pique your interest, we legit don't know what will.

While we often gigg' at the actor/character age discrepancy, we can't imagine Jamie and Claire being brought to life by anyone other than Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe. Their chemistry is off the charts. The way he yells "CLARR!" with the roll of the 'r' when he's searching for his damsel in distress makes our knees weak. The way she shows season after season that she's no damsel in distress has us standing tall again. But our favorite parts are when they team up to literally make love and not war.

This may be a list of our top 5 reasons, but there isn't a close second. (Kinda like Frank. Sorry, Frank.) We want to see Jamie, we want to see Claire, and most importantly we want to see them together.  Strip away everything else, and as long as we have the reunion we've been desperately thirsting for, we will be quenched. Because let's face it, Droughtlander isn't truly over until they are in the same place at the same time period. Period.

Top Five On-Screen Daddies

Let's be clear that we are not talking about "daddy" in the traditional sense of the term. These contenders are not your father and are not (necessarily) your sugar daddies. When we're talking "Daddy", we mean... someone that's sure of themselves. Someone that is the authority on all things "daddy". Protectors. Rebels. Stoics. Tall, dark, and daddy. Now mind you, not all Daddies are male. We're daddy. You may be daddy, too. But for this list, we compiled our current top five favorite on-screen male daddies. 

These are in NO particular order.  However, we are going to label them like they are members of a boyband supergroup... Spice Daddies, if you will.

5. Scary Daddy: Walter White (Bryan Cranston) from Breaking Bad

Though Walter White may be a father, that's not what makes him daddy. Only a true daddy could be as cocky as Walter White is in a pair of tighty whities.  And. We. Are. In. To. It. He uses science to get daddy shit done, like a meth-cooking, straight-up-murdering, "I am the danger" Bill Nye.  (And don't even pretend like you didn't spend your adolescent years fantasizing about what's under the Science Guy's lab coat.) He may have been a great Chemistry teacher, but we wish he could teach us a course in Daddy.

4. Grungy Daddy: Fred Andrews (Luke Perry) from Riverdale

Let's face it: Luke Perry's been Daddy since 90210. One of us may or may not have had a giant puzzle of a Teen Beat-esque headshot of Luke in the 90s. The CW's definitely upped their game with the addition of Riverdale, a somewhat-based-on-the-Archie-Comics show that mixes the vibe of Twin Peaks with Gossip Girl and is CHOCK-FULL of Daddy (Skeet Ulrich is another father Daddy on the show, sooooo.......). It's our current obsession and a large part of that is Fred Andrews, the trying-his-best daddy that just can't catch a break but still manages to hook up with your friend's mom. So. Much. Daddy.

3. Secret Guardian Daddy: Severus Snape (Alan Rickman) from the Harry Potter series

Alan Rickman was a daddy in his own right, but for the sake of this "on-screen" list, we will gladly use Severus. Professor Snape is sexy brooding wrapped in a cloak. Others may have questioned Snape's loyalty in the books/movies, but In Daddy We Trusted. There's nothing more Daddy than spending your life, and ultimately giving your life, protecting an innocent in the name of true love. We had total faith in Dumbledore (another one of our favorite Daddies) that he had not misplaced his trust. Snape is Sneaky Daddy, he's Selfless Daddy, he's Dark Arts Daddy, and he's Always Daddy. (BRB, crying break...) 

2. Library Daddy: Rupert Giles (Anthony Head) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the show)

There are not many things more attractive than a glasses-wearing, book-reading, has-all-the-answers-always Daddy. Oh wait, there is... A glasses-wearing, book-reading, has-all-the-answers-always Daddy with an accent. He has no qualms with ignoring his orders from the Council to do what he thinks is right, which is WAY Daddy. He has the patience to find the answers, but also has the strength to fight battles and kick ass by Buffy's side. He hangs out in cemeteries and sends vampires straight to hell, all while wearing a three-piece tweed suit. This Daddy be fashionable af.

1. Magic Daddy: Gandalf the Grey AND Gandalf the White (Ian McKellen) from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Gandalf is everything. Gandalf is Daddy. He died fighting a MF'in Balrog and came back! He's Resurrected Daddy. Not only did he come back, but he came back shinier and prettier than before. He's Diamond Daddy. He knew he couldn't resist the power of the ring, so he entrusted it to the only species he thought could. He's SELF-CONTROL-OFF-THE-CHARTS DADDY. He brought Bilbo home. He brought Frodo home. He's Journey Daddy. Gandalf is bearded and scowly and wise and blows smoke rings like a boss. Gandalf is everything. Gandalf is Daddy.

Top Five Reasons Voldemort Would Make A Better President Than Trump

Hello, fellow princesses. You may have been asking yourself over the last few months (or maybe you didn't even notice) where we went. This was going so well. Things seemed so promising. But sometimes you have your heart broken so truly madly deeply that you have to hole up with a pint of ice cream and your favorite Harry Potter book and pretend the world doesn't exist outside of Herbology with Professor Sprout or adventuring in the Forbidden Forest with Firenze. Listen, when a bigger monster than Voldemort became the 45th President of the United States, our hearts broke harder than when our first crushes ignored our "secret admirer letters", when Blue Bell discontinued Banana Split ice cream, when Firefly was cancelled...even when Dobby died. Our Trumpression was so consuming, so unrelenting, that it felt inappropriate, artificial, insincere to pretend to you all that we found anything alluring/charming/nerdy/appealing enough to write about and share. 

But that time has passed.

We are well past denial, bargaining and depression.  We're holding on to the anger just a wee bit longer to fuel the resistance, but we are finally ready to dive back in to all the fandoms that we hold so dear, and reconnect with any of you taking the time to read our little blog.  

I think some, if not most, of you could agree that there are far more than five reasons why Voldemort would make a better President than Donald Trump, but we've done our best to narrow it down to five. Please feel free to add more to the Comments section below. 

5. His followers look more "punk rock" and less "date rape".

Okay, we know this one is a bit superficial, but the Death Eaters just look more legit than all the little Humpty Trumptys.  We would have a much easier time taking Death Eaters seriously with their snake/skull tatts and head-to-toe black attire than we would a horde of 20-or-60 year old white males all sporting polo shirts, khaki cargo shorts, and red trucker hats spouting some nonsense about making America great "again".

Let us also consider Lucius's luscious locks and imagine *that* standing next our fearless leader rather than Sean Spicer in his Sean Spicer ties and upside down flag pins. I know we're all on the same page here.  

4. He recognizes the importance of a good education.

When a young Tom Riddle realized that he wanted to become the most powerful figure in the world, he sought out the wisdom of more brilliant wizards. He continued his education. He read books. Not to mention he figured out the whole immortality thing.  

He did not, however, get all of his intel from Rita Skeeter's articles in the Daily Prophet. He did not create a fake university that taught young minds to, um...? And to top it off, he almost always waited until Harry had finished his school year to try to kill him.

One more thing: he chose Severus Snape, the MF Half Blood Prince, to rule the most influential wizarding school when he took over. I know whose potions knowledge wouldn't be suffering if he was our Secretary of Education...ours. 

3. He's not sexist.

His right hand person was the baddest chick of all, Bellatrix Lestrange. And though he mainly assigned her to tasks like murder and torture, he definitely did not "move on her like a witch" (that was the line, right?).

2. He did not discriminate based on country of origin.

At the Quidditch World Cup, his followers tormented wizards and muggles from all countries, not just those in the Middle East or Mexico.  Equal Opportunity Dictator.

1. Oh yeah...he's fictional. 

The best part of Voldemort being President rather than Trump is that he's entirely made up.  He was created and defeated with pen and paper (or keyboard, rather...let's get real).  Signs an Executive Order creating Torture Tuesday? *Backspace Backspace Backspace*.  Decides to bomb Durmstrang? *JKJKLOLOLDELETE* Voldemort for President means J.K. Rowling for President and that day would be the best day. 

Voldemort might have made us turn on our night lights, maybe crack the door a little, cuddle a pet a little too tight, then say F it and crawl into bed with mom, but he didn't/doesn't have any power over us once we close the book.  Trump does.  So maybe now is not the time to pretend this is happening in another world far away. Right now we should be gathering up the knowledge and strength to cast that perfect Patronus charm. Dumbledore's Army...commence.    

Top Five Shows That Ended Too Soon

We will never understand why some shows (*cough* Two and a Half Men *cough*) get twelve seasons, and other FAR superior shows only get one or two (We're looking at you, Fox…). In an attempt to balance the scales, here is our homage to five shows that got axed before their time. 

5. My So Called Life

Jared Leto has literally made one good choice in his career, and it was Jordan Catalano. Let's all agree to live in a world where My So Called Life lived on and 30 Seconds to Mars never happened.  And. Do. You. Re. Mem. Ber. His. Chokers?!?!?!?! If you don't (or if you do), (re)watch the one and only season of Angela Chase's angst-filled quest for identity, sexual awakening, and the perfect red bob, and Jordan Catalano's choker-strewn quest for more chokers.

For fans of: Degrassi, flannel, Dawson's Creek, 90s fashion, not 30 Seconds to Mars, Freaks and Geeks, Felicity

4. Witches of East End

THE ONLY GOOD SHOW TO EVER BE ON LIFETIME WE STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT GOT CANCELLED THIS MAKES NO SENSE YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT LIFETIME!! It features Madchen Amick (Shelly from Twin Peaks), Jenna Dewan Tatum (the first star to Step It Up), and Julia Ormond that you'll recognize from things. Oh, and they're all witches! It's got a sexy animagus, a mega-hottie-love-triangle, sister-swapping, a seance-inspiring wardrobe, century-spanning soul mates, and oh yeah, they're all witches.  It lasted two (UGH!!!) seasons and ends on a cliffhanger because OBVI YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM THEY WERE GETTING CANCELLED LIFETIME BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WORST, but regardless, you should still watch it immediately.  Just…you know…guard your hearts more than we did.

For fans of: Charmed, covens, AHS: Coven, witches, magic, Sabrina the Teenage Witch

3. Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars is one of the most badass female characters to ever appear on screen. She's our generation's Nancy Drew, if Nancy Drew enjoyed tasing people and was quick with the quips. The show lasted three short seasons, and revolved around an ex-Sheriff-turned-P.I.'s daughter that had a knack for putting away murderers and dog-nappers and everyone in between. You know all those moments when you come up with the *perfect* comeback 5 minutes or two weeks too late? That NEVER happens to Veronica.  Live out your Quick Comeback Fantasies with Veronica and her kooky band of misfit friends.  Plus she tases people.

(And if you're worried about getting addicted, praise Kickstarter because there's a movie that ties up all the loose ends that we may or may not have seen about 22 times *and counting*.)

For fans of: tasing, Jessica Jones, Sherlock, spicy little firecracker Polly Pockets, justice

2. Freaks and Geeks

The only struggle you'll have with watching Freaks and Geeks is deciding who you love more: the freaks or the geeks. It centers on Lindsay & Sam Weir, a freak and geek (respectively) sibling duo and their friends. Most of the show's budget was spent on music, so just mull that over for a moment.  The soundtrack alone is enough of a reason to watch the show, but let us give you a few more: It was the first time we as a nation met Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, James Franco, Linda Cardellini, Martin Starr, and Busy Phillips. It was the TV baby of Paul Feig and Judd Apatow, who would not come together again until Bridesmaids. Each episode contained real life experiences from the writers, which makes it one of the most genuine shows ever to hit television. It was so genuine, in fact, that it got cancelled after one season because the station exec thought the characters didn't get enough "victories". Um...cue all of our high school experiences. Was he home schooled or...? Just like the girl in the cafeteria tells Lindsay that she wishes she had never heard American Beauty so she could listen to it again for the first time, we wish we could watch F&G again for the first time.

For fans of: My So Called Life, music, nostalgia, The Breakfast Club, love, Love, That 70s Show, the awkward fashion transition between the 70s and 80s

1. Firefly

Hey Fox, next time you get handed one of the most brilliant shows ever, maybe air the episodes in order.  Oh and hey Fox, when Joss Whedon creates a Sci Fi-Western hybrid that's as beautiful as Benedict Cumberbatch is INSIDE AND OUT, you don't just throw it in the garbage like Ross Gellar's Moistmaker sandwich. The theme song to the show states "You can't take the sky from me"...but clearly the writer of the song (Joss MF Whedon) had never met the Fox execs. It features outlaws, strong female characters, an interracial couple, and a dislike for a government prone to starting wars....so no wonder Fox sabotaged it. It's Joss's favorite of his creations, which is saying a lot coming from the man that brought us Buffy and The Avengers. Like Veronica Mars, the fans were loud enough that we got a movie to wrap up the loose ends: Serenity. Like Joss, there's no place we'd rather be than on board Serenity....but we'll settle for our couches marathoning (Yes Spell Check, "marathoning" is a word now) Firefly and Serenity...again...for days on end...again.

For fans of: Buffy, Star Trek, space, westerns, space westerns, Han Solo, rebels, not Fox, Quantum Leap 

Top Five Most Satisfying *Fictional* Deaths

I'm not sure what this says about us, but there are few things we enjoy more than watching/reading villains go dowwwwnnn. Like...all the way down.  Like dead. We may have argued more on this list than any other to date, not just on who to include (because there are so many gruesome deaths near and dear to our hearts) but what order to put these in. Here is our Top Five list that one of us may or may not have gotten our way on as far as order:

5. The Ring / Sauron

Whether you read the books or watched the movies (and chances are you fit into at least one of those categories if you're looking at our website), you spent many a day and night hating this ring that turned your favorite hobbits into angry, tired, scheming little grumpykins. What was essentially Sauron's horcrux wreaked havoc on not only the most peaceful creatures ever, but the always-honorable-and-noble Sean Bean. Though there is an argument as to whether or not Sauron actually died when the Ring Bye-Felicia'ed its way into Mount Doom, we at HBP refuse to acknowledge a world where Halflings and Elves have to do anything but eat, let alone battle another one of Sauron's orc-war temper tantrums.  

4.  HBO* Ramsay Bolton

HBO

Literally the hardest thing we've ever had to do in our lives is put Ramsay Bolton as #4 on this list. Maybe it's because the next 3 are that awful, maybe it's because we remember him as Simon on Misfits and can't quite let go. But one thing is certain: the Bolton Bastard mixed with weapons and extensive mental health issues was a recipe for such a glorious and long-awaited death that you have no other choice but to shut down your computer and leave work to watch his end again. Is there anyone alive that doesn't feed their dog and imagine that they're feeding their canine-child liiiiitttle tiny pieces of Ramsay mixed in with that Chunks of Beef in Gravy feast? We think not.

3. HBO* Joffrey "Baratheon" 

He might be some little brat with a mom-aunt and dad-uncle, but that's not what made his wine-induced choke fest so appealing. He was a combination of that kid you hated in Middle School, Chucky, and Vlad the Impaler. He killed his betrothed's direwolf (*cries forever*), he killed her dad, and then he showed her her said-dad's head on a spike. He tortured that realllyyyyy nice prostitute. And he was just annoying to look at. As far as we knew from the first three seasons of Game of Thrones, only the good characters died. So the main reason Joffrey beats Ramsay on this list is because his death wasn't a certainty to us then, and thus much more satisfying when it actually happened. BUT LET IT BE SAID: if there's a way to go, it's death by wine. Malbec murder might be better than becoming dog chow, but watching his creepy little face turn purple made us cheer so hard we almost lost our voices and considered calling in to work that next day. 

HBO

2. HBO* Walder Frey

HBO

The reason Walder is at #2 on our list isn't because of how much we wanted him dead (which was... a lot), but how much we loved Arya killing him. To see him die in any other way would have been aight, but the fact that a Stark's face was the last thing he saw gave us warm blood-thirsty fuzzies all over. The Red Wedding made us so sick that we had to miss a few days of work, so FINALLY getting the vengeance we've been desperately seeking for three seasons felt like Christmas morning. 

1. Voldemort (duh)

Two words: Cedric Diggory. And then there's, you know, Harry's parents, his owl, his friends, Dumbledore, Snape (RIP), and oh yeah, Harry himself when he was an infant. These deaths and more put this kid-killing sonofabitch at the top of our list. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was our generation's first real villain, our first taste of hatred, and the first death we craved. We don't blame J.K. for bringing these feelings out of our 10-year-old selves, we applaud her. Harry got by with a little help from his friends (Ok, a substantial amount of help), but in the end, the Boy Who Lived finally destroyed the One Who Would Never Die. Siriusly, would neverrrr die. He got killed more times than anyone we've ever met. Maybe invest a little less in horcruxes and a little more in frequent flier miles. Get a tan on that sickly pale nose-less face and pet your snake on a beach somewhere for the rest of your days. Maybe take a chill pill on all that kid-killing and you can stay alive for a lil bit.   

*: We aren't caught up on the books ***yet***, so our feelings on the GoT deaths are solely based on how the characters/deaths are perceived on HBO.

Top Five Pins for the Halloween Season

Up your flair game this month by nabbing these cute and spooky ("cuky?" "spute?") gems. We love them all so much, so these are in no particular order. 

5. "Hard Luck" by Heartificial Pins. 

www.heartificialco.com

Candy bars? Popcorn balls? A packet of gum? Not for ole' Charlie Brown. This "I got a rock" pin is a perfect summation of all of our shitty luck and love for Halloween.  

4. Cartoon Lydia Deetz by Kill 'Em With Cuteness.

www.killemwithcute.com

"My revenge will be artistic, not personal." Same same. She's our personal hero, our style icon, and our sass queen.

3. "NOSFERATU" by Phantom City Creative.

www.phantomcitycreative.com 

When you want to leave the cute at home and just go straight for the creepy af, make sure to wear this guy. 

2. "No Feet" by Super Secret Fan Club.

www.supersecretfunclub.com

Beetlejuice? Yes. Ghost costumes? Yes. Glitter? Yes, yes, yes! This little polaroid pin is by far the most unique of this "cuky" bunch.

1. "Ouija" by Memento Mori Goods.

www.mementomorigoods.bigcartel.com

The planchette moves. The end. It will definitely keep you occupied for hours, so make sure you wear it to work. 

Top Five Reasons We're Excited about Fantastic Beasts…

5. The 1920s

Um…wardrobe much? The 1920s are probably your go-to answer to the question: "What's your favorite decade?" The hats, the bobs, the finger waves, the speakeasies, the bow ties, so much yes. Mixing the magic of the 20s with the magic of, you know, J.K. Rowling, might make our hearts explode into one big swoony mess.

www.Pottermore.com

4.  The Beasts

Let's go ahead and admit that some of our favorite characters from the HP series were Buckbeak, Fawkes, and Hedwig (RIP). The magical creatures that (unfortunately, to our knowledge) only exist in the Harry Potter universe make muggle pets look like peasants. The three that we're MOST excited about are:

              The Niffler:  a furry platypus/anteater-looking chunk that's attracted to glittery objects. Can you say #newspiritanimal?

             The Bowtruckle: sassy lil teeny tiny tree guardian that's partial to wood lice and fairy eggs.  It's super hard to spot and will claw out your eyes if you threaten its host tree…probably.

            The Demiguise: ok goosebumps. If Falcor and a perfect little baby monkey had a baby, it would be a demiguise. It's extremely sought-after because its hair can be woven into invisibility cloaks. They are hard to catch because they can tell the future, so you have to do something unpredictable in order to be able to find one. But please don't cuz… they are angelic angelly baby angels and we love them.  

Demiguise,  www.pottermore.com

3. Ilvermorny

The American version of Hogwarts has us feeling some feelings. It was founded by a witch and her No-Maj (American term for "muggle") husband, so it's like the more progressive, non-elitist cousin of the other wizarding schools. Like Hogwarts, it has four houses. Prepare yourself for endless debates with your friends on what house you/they/your fav HP characters would be sorted into. The houses are as follows:

Horned Serpent: favors the scholars

Pukwudgie: favors the healers

Thunderbird: favors the adventurers

Wampus: favors the warriors

Unlike Hogwarts, there's no sorting hat. Basically you stand in a spot in a circular room and these statues fight over you. If more than one wants you, you get a choice. Sound a little familiar?  #harrypotter #thevoice

View fullsize

www.Pottermore.com

2. Eddie Redmayne

We. can. not. think of a better human in all of existence to lead us back into the Harry Potter 'verse than Eddie Redmayne. His performances in The Theory of Everything, My Week with Marilyn and oh yeah, The Danish Girl, put him in the forefront of our minds for weeks. He seems equal parts someone you could probably be friends with if you met him on the street and someone that you can't quite look in the eyes because he's too…handsome? smooth? perfect? enthralling? magical? I dunno, you choose. He's a lot of things that we both can and can't handle. From what we've seen in the Fantastic Beasts trailer, he might give our baby Matt Smith a run for his money with his bow tie game. He's a big fan of the Harry Potter books and films, so we trust that he will at least meet, if not exceed, our very..very…very high expectations.

www.Pottermore.com

1. And obviously…it's a return to the world we love/miss/need so much.

We've been described as the Harry Potter generation, and we'll gladly accept. Even a quick reference to the Harry Potter world in an unrelated book or movie makes our heart skip a beat and a creepy smile cross our faces. Do you ever catch yourself eavesdropping on conversations because you heard the word "Dumbledore", "Harry", "Potter", "Pot" "Ter", or "magic" and you think there might be a new friend in your midst? We do this quite often. So naturally, when news came that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was being made into a film, we felt like we were getting to go home again. There's something exciting and comfortable and addicting about the world that Goddess Rowling has created, and we need our fix. Cue Fantastic Beasts.  

Also, there's the possibility of OG cameos, so...

www.Pottermore.com

Top Five 90s Heartthrobs

5. Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez

His real name might be Mike Vitar, but we will always know him as Benny Rodriguez. The baseball cap. The Chucks. The eyebrows. He will forever be the fearless leader of the Sandlot gang. We know what we want s'more of. Benny.

4. The Beast

Human form, Beast form, yes form. He roared his way into our hearts and loins with his sweet sweet dance moves, his library, and his blue tux. Clumsy snowball fight much? And let's not forget the tiny birds eating out of his hands (er…paws).  *Swoon.*

3. Devon Sawa

He's a dreamboat and you know you paused, rewound, and replayed that scene of him skinny-dipping in Now & Then to "catch a peek". Plus, if he's Casper as a real boy, that means ghosts are NOT off limits. He expanded the dating pool to include the dead and we applaud him for that.  

2. JTT

There was one reason to watch Home Improvement, and it wasn't Tool Time.

Plus…Simba.

(Why do we have a thing for animal/man hybrids? Just noticing this is a trend. Is it wrong? Like…is it wrong?  It feels right…)

1. Leo Dicap

The boy-man that forever ruined our romantic expectations as Jack Dawson. Maybe he's from the wrong side of the tracks. Maybe he's the best artist we've ever seen. One thing is for certain…we would have made room on that floating door. THERE WAS ROOM FOR TWO, ROSE!

We'll never let go, Jack. We'll never let go.  

Think we totally dropped the ball and left off a no-brainer? Really confused why Andrew Keegan isn't on this list?  Let us know in the Comments below!

Top Five OTPs of all time

5. Amy & Rory

"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, and you meet them and think, 'Not bad, they're OK.' And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them?  Like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.  Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met."

Doctor Who

bbc.co.uk

Amy Pond and Rory Williams are probably one of the most heartwarming and heartbreaking couples ever to appear on TV. Known as the 11th Doctor's companions from Seasons 5-7, A&R basically define the term "grand romantic gesture". Rory dies, comes back as a robot Centurion, and protects Amy's dying body as it's trapped in the Pandorica for 2,000 (read it…thousand) years. In the end, Amy allows herself to be touched by a weeping angel, one of THE scariest TV villains of all time, so that she can be shot back in time to live out her days Doctor-less with Rory. A&R persevere through an almost divorce, an adult friend that turns out to be their infant daughter from the future through some timey-wimey magic, villain after villain, and being separated time and time again from 36 years in one episode to over 2,000 years in another episode. This couple, The Boy Who Waited and later the Girl Who Waited, should make even sci-fi haters watch and appreciate Doctor Who. 

4. Jim & Pam

"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to wait…"

The Office

imgur.com

Oh Jim. We all had to wait. There were times that I wanted Jim and Pam to have a relationship more than I wanted one for myself. Having feelings for someone that's unavailable is pretty universal, so their relatability factor was off the charts. From the shared headphone sway-dancing to the rainy gas station proposal, their subtle but epic romance had us all craving a cubicle office lover of our own. 

3. Mulder & Scully

"Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion."

X-Files

Fox

Mulder and Scully, Scully and Mulder…has there ever been a duo that completes each other more fully? She believes in scientifically proven facts; he believes in…aliens. These two have spent 10 long seasons, 2 movies, and a very recent mini season follow-up balancing each other out in the most grandiose alien-battling, flashlight-waving ways. Our yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, sun and moon; we will never give up hope for M&S. I want to believe…that a handsome FBI agent and feisty red-headed scientist can make it work (what do you say, Chris Carter?).  

2. Ross & Rachel

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!"

Friends

TBS

Ross Gellar and Rachel Green gave hope to the masses. He was the dork and she was the princess. When Friends started, Ross had had a crush on Rachel, his sister's best friend, for about a decade. Her failed almost-wedding and his recent divorce (#1) from his lesbian wife re-ignited his hope that he'd have a shot with his dream girl. Ross and Rachel shippers did NOT have it easy. They were almost together, then they were almost together, then they were together, then they had a fight/break-up (depending which one you ask), then they really broke up, then they were almost back together, then Ross didn't read the 18 page letter FRONT AND BACK so they definitely broke up again, then Ross marries Emily but says Rachel's name at the altar, then Ross goes through Divorce #2, then Ross goes crazy (but here we truly get Ross gold: the tan, the white teeth, the moist-maker meltdown, etc.), then there's the drunken Vegas wedding, then there's the secret non-anullment, then there's the not-so-secret Divorce (#3), then there's a one-night-stand which leads to a baby, then there's a lot of back and forth until they finallyyyyyy got together in the Season TEN Series Finale. It was an emotional roller coaster for all Friends fans, but worth the ride because "he's her lobster."

1. Ron and Hermione

"Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!" 

Harry Potter

On one side we have Ron: more often than not, our comedic relief. He's always eating, never getting spells or sports quite right, causing Harry to get into a little more trouble than he would have on his own, and is seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. And then we have Hermione: perfection. She's brilliant, feisty, empathetic, and saves Harry and Ron's lives from Book 1 (through Book 7, let's be real). They couldn't be more different, except when it comes to their fierce love for their friends. Both Ron and Hermione sacrifice themselves multiple times to save each other and to save Harry. And let's keep in mind that we meet these characters at age 11. Ok so maybe we lied a little bit before…Ron & Hermione might balance each other out more than any other dynamic duo listed above. Some of the lightest parts in the darkest books are the moments where we get to see these two childhood best friends spark into a little love flame. We're pretty sure the song "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place" was written about them. Ron and Er-my-nee, sitting in a whomping willow, destroying horcruxes, casting spells, and K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

WB