Play With Booze: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Drinks…errr Secrets

Drink once every time:

You find yourself questioning whether or not there are actual lenses in Harry’s glasses

Dobby cries

Dobby makes you cry

The burrow is your house-goals

Mrs. Weasley switches moods between her children and Harry faster than Apple releases a new iPhone

There are transportation issues

Lockhart’s hair and/or incompetence and/or boasting is too Trump-y

Someone/thing gets petrified

The Whomping Willow gives zero fucks

Filch is inappropriately terrifying as far as school staff goes

Ron’s broken wand causes problems

Malfoy needs his filthy mouth washed out with soap

You love Hagrid so fucking much it hurts

Moaning Myrtle…um…moans.

Fawkes makes you smile big

Even though you know they’re spiked, you still want to eat the cupcakes

Hermione, you brilliant bitch

When the diary causes more problems than your LiveJournal from junior year

Seriously, why are wizard pajamas so much better than muggle pajamas?

You’re low-key attracted to young Voldemort and are fully aware of what that means regarding your taste in men

Minerva’s hats and bonnets got you feeling some kinda way

You wanna snip-snip Lucius’s hair

SUPER SLOPPY EDITION:

A rule is broken

Spiders, slugs, or snekssss

Ron gets scared

Dobby hurts himself

Board Games Not Bored Games (Or, Alternately Titled: How I Singlehandedly Conquered Westeros While Eating Pizza): Risk - Game of Thrones Edition

Risk was the first game that taught us the deliciousness of world domination and crushing our enemies. It was only a matter of time before some genius decided to stretch the boundaries and change the game (pun intended)....with an edition based on a series that just so happens to be a global phenomenon centered around world domination and crushing our enemies. Okay, so maybe it's not much of a creative leap, but it IS much easier now than it was when you were a child playing boring ole "normal" Risk because you know the geography of Westeros and Essos better than you do South America and Eastern Europe.

# of Freeloaders Eating All Your Snacks:

It's 2-7 players, so hide the name-brand stuff and bust out the RC Cola and the J. Higgs Cheezies Puffs.

Game Piece Radness: 6.5/10

While the Dragon, Harpy, Stag, and Sunspear get us feeling that House pride, the mascots of Houses Lannister, Stark and Tyrell leave us wanting. The Lion looks like a yellow koala head coming out of a piece of chewed gum, the Wolf looks like he's sleeping with a mouth guard on a pillow made of his own neck fat, and we've never seen anything so equal parts phallic and vaginal as the Rose of House Tyrell.

In all seriousness though, we swooned when we saw all of these teeny tiny toys.

Why It's Worth Staying in on a Saturday Night:

We thought it was obvious by now....world domination and crushing our enemies. Doing so behind the name and sigil of your favorite House is even better.

Maester cards are dope. They provide endless opportunities to screw over your friends (enemies).

There are cards that allow you to use special abilities belonging to some of your favorite characters. And most* of the names are even spelled right.

What We Could've Done Without:

You can't use the map of Essos unless you are playing a 2 person game or a 6-7 person game. Essos holds the seats of power of the Targaryens and the Ghiscari, so if you've got more than 1 friend but less than 5, say goodbye to your dragon-riding dreams.

Likelihood of Destroyed Friendships and/or Marriages: 9.2/10

This game is entirely based on attacking those around you, sometimes several times in a row. Every attack is done by a roll of the dice, and you never know what special abilities the peasant family you're invading might have up their peasant sleeves. So it is absolutely possible that an army of twelve could be wiped out by an army of four. Words will be had. Loyalties will be decimated. Pieces WILL be thrown (Game of Throwns? Anyone?... Anyone?)

How Drunk You Can Get (And Still Play Well) (Er...Well-ish):

You can go ahead and bust out that third bottle of wine, because while strategy in this game IS important, it's mainly just your dumb luck at throwing some numbered cubes at the same time that someone else is throwing numbered cubes. Maybe just wait to take shots til after you've read the instructions.

*: Not all.

Play like you're young (even when you're really...really not).

“Let someone dangerous in for tea. Make small signs that say ‘yes’ and spread them all over your house. Become a friend of freedom and uncertainty. Take a lot of naps. Dream wild, imaginative dreams. Draw on walls. Read everyday. Imagine you are enchanted. Giggle with children. Listen to old people. Be free. Praise yourself. Let go of fear. Play with everything. Preserve the child in you.”

— Joseph Beuys

We believe in magic, and there's nothing more magical than being 10 when you're actually 30. Let go of your anxieties and inhibitions, put on your play clothes, and get back to the basics. Here's how: 

Bubbles: Take a bottle of them with you everywhere you go. (Seal tightly.) Stepped in gum? Just got a divorce? Blow some bubbles. All better.

Play dress-up: If/when anyone tells you that you're too old to play dress-up, tell them they're wrong. You don't need a new hobby, you need new friends. Hoard ALL Halloween costumes. There will come a day when you really want to revisit that time you were Bill Nye the Science Guy. What are you going to do, buy a new lab coat?  Nah. 

Kiddie pool: Sit in a kiddie pool. It's exactly the same as when you were a kid, but this time you'll have a pitcher of margaritas with you. 

Climb a tree: Sure, now if you were to break your arm, it will take three times as long to heal, but at least it will get you out of work for a few days. You'll get the exhilaration of climbing a tree, plus the added bonus of telling people you broke your arm climbing a tree.

Find your nearest fair/carnival/theme park/freak show: Ride every single ride except for that stupid spinning spaceship one that makes you feel like you're going to vom. Don't feel weird about standing in line behind small children to get your face painted. You deserve to be a beautiful tiger/mermaid hybrid just as much as the 4 year old in front of you. 

Throw themed parties: Ever wanted to know what it felt like to live in The Shire? This is your chance. Transform your house into Middle Earth. Have a hallway? No you don't. You have the Bridge of Kazad-Dum. Have a kitchen? Negative. That's the Great Hall inside the Last Homely House. Have a closet? Ummmmm...pretty sure you should avoid it because that's Shelob's Lair.  

Find your city's top haunted locations: Remember when "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" was so scary, you couldn't watch it without your mom? Let's take it up a notch. You'll get the same rush of adrenaline that you did when you heard that creaking swing in the opening credits, only you'll get the added terror of real-life ghost meet-and-greets. Because, you know...you're smarter now.  

Go roller skating: Do it around your house or go to an actual rink. We've done both! Maybe avoid the lock-ins though....those are frowned upon if you're not accompanied by a child.

Look to the stars: The first magic you found as a child was in space. Have a late night picnic in your backyard, drive out into the country, or climb on to your roof. Wish on a star, look for falling ones, name constellations. And if you live in a city where it's impossible to see the stars, make your own.